It seems like half of the gals I know right now are either pregnant with their first, or just had their first baby. Since Ellie just turned one, I have been reminiscing about her newborn days. Because I have been thinking about those days, I am remembering how I felt about all the different newborn things...sleeping, feeding, diapering, etc. I think I may look back on them with less fondness than I should, I think some people think those days are a dream and they remember just all of the sweetness of having a newborn. Don't get me wrong, Ellie was a sweet, sweet, baby. So precious! Just look:
So precious!
She was not at all a difficult baby, but I was having such a hard time coming off of bed rest, recovering from a c-section, and trying to get my 3 week early baby to learn to eat. It was traumatizing watching her drop weight each week, and not knowing at all what I could do about it.
I assumed breastfeeding came naturally. I did not get to attend a class since I was on bed rest for preeclampsia, but I did read books and asked lots of questions. I am pretty sure if I would sit down and look at a detailed statement from our hospital visit, I would see surcharges for the half dozen visits the lactation consultant made to our room. I was so weak from being on bed rest, being in labor for 18 hours, and having the c-section I just didn't get off to a great start figuring out how to breastfeed. And I stressed. I was a mess. I googled, I bothered friends, I asked my mom and sister, I consulted my OB...you name it, I did it. I stressed so much I didn't enjoy her early days.
When I finally made the decision to switch to formula it was such a relief. I put up the pump and pulled out the bottles, and it was the best thing I did for the two of us. That sounds contrary to everything you hear now, right? Don't get me wrong...I am pro-breastfeeding! I think it is great! I plan on trying again with the next baby. I won't feel guilty, though, if it doesn't work, and I won't wait so long to make the switch. I felt so guilty with Ellie! I thought we wouldn't bond, I thought she would be sickly, and I thought everyone would think I am a horrible mom. Ellie is definitely a mommy's girl, she didn't even get a cold until she was 11 months, and I guess I will never know if people think I am a horrible mom or not, but I don't think I am.
I want to remember this all when baby #2 comes, and I want any new moms who may read this to know that you have to decide what is best for your baby! If you want to breastfeed, that is fantastic! Do it, work hard at it, eat your oatmeal and drink your water. If it doesn't work though, don't think it defines you as a mom! Your baby will be just fine! And so will you.
Look at this baby...clearly a healthy, happy, perfect bundle of joy!
